A quiet place, far away.

A quick word.

2009-02-25T07:03:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for sometime. I'm writing an e-entry because i'm lazy to pen my diary and i'm procrastinating; don't want to read my tax cases.

I'm halfway through my last lap in University. It's the term break now. There are a few major thoughts going through my mind.

School work's been pretty manageable. Learning to love my work, and mug because I love Jesus (Thank you Brother Lawrence for setting the pattern). Which is quite tough, especially when it comes to CONSOLIDATION.
Beware future accountants, because consolidation causes major confusion! It gets so frustrating. haha.

The biggest thought now is transition. It's uber major. And I'm quite looking forward to it, if i've not mentioned that previously.

Ok, back to McDermott Industries v Comissioner of Taxation.

Touched by the Greater

2009-01-28T06:23:00.000+08:00

God has been speaking to me. And when He does, He turns you inside out and upside down.

Ever had the feeling of dissatisfaction, wondering what's the bigger picture in your life? Somehow, I felt life didn't serve up that great a purpose in mugging and working and the normal course of life. Deep deep inside, it was as if God was planting a seed.

First it was the hunger to see my friends and family saved. Then, when Ps Yang preached at Colours on Sunday, somehow, things fell into place. I was so gripped by what he was saying. I felt as if the Holy Spirit was looking through my facade into the deep recesses of my true feelings.

I felt as if, God had meant something greater than this. Honestly, I don't even know what to do about it. Quit my job? (kidding la!) Sell all I have and then go sit on the streets like Heidi Baker? Go full-time?

Don't exactly have the clearest picture. For now, there's a burning desire to strive even more to live for the eternal. I have been touched by the Greater.

GYM-craze + School

2009-01-14T18:26:00.000+08:00

Well, school has started. And I've never felt more driven to do well, and mug hard. Well, that's partially due to the fact that if I get a B next sem, my honours will drop by one rung. I'm living on a thin thread. So this semester, I'm gonna give my best and mug very very hard!

Anyway, I'm doing this tax module on tax planning and all. The class is crazy! I feel "noob-ified" but the zai people in my class. But there seems to be this innate joy, excitement, desire, passion when I sit through the tax class.

Some people reading this might be going ," What?!! TAX?"

In retrospect, it was quite crazy that God would slant my decision towards a tax job. Now I know why.

Apart from that, it seems that this gym craze has possessed me. I've been feeling very excited about gym-ing these two weeks!!!

On a more introspective note, I need to learn to wait and be patient in many areas of my life. Like what Ps Lip said about making important decisions : "God if you don't speak, I won't move."

More 2009 resolutions

2009-01-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

Ok here are some more "wants" to achieve in 2009. Won't call them resolutions, becuz I don't think I would have enough will, time, energy to follow through all of them.

1. Write more songs!! I must get down to writing songs. Or at least trying.
2. Study the Bible topically.
3. Read Chinese newspaper 15mins a day - this is a real challenge. But I must improve on my mandarin!

Ok that's about it. Anymore, and I don't think I can manage. =)

2009 Resolutions

2009-01-03T07:06:00.000+08:00

After some thought, here are some goals I hope to achieve in 2009

1. Plant myself in Cornerstone - start serving, and owning the church! And availing myself for service. Think it's time.

2. Focus on God - making a conscious effort to choose Him, to obey Hi, to love Him above all else. I also want to draw closer to Him this year.

3. Grow in His word - I want to set aside time daily/ weekly to study God's word. Never got down to doing that on a routine basis last year.

4. Prioritise family! - I want to spend time with them! It might be tough, considering that I would be starting work in the 2nd half of the year.

5. To run the Stan Chart 42km marathon!

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009!

2008-12-31T08:57:00.000+08:00

Goodbye 2008!

Time really flies. All I can do at this point on the very last day of 2008 is stand amazed at how the Good Shepherd has led me thus far.

What a tremendous journey this year has been. Looking back, I've experienced more grace, more freedom, more love and more of His presence. I bow in humility before my Maker for His grace, tenderness and patience toward me.

There are many things to thank God for, so let's see how the post develops. =)

1. Thank the Lord for planting me in a new church. I feel like some wild branch grafted into the Cornerstone vine. Haha. After 6months here, it's starting to feel more and more like home. Really grateful for Saturday Life, Sunday services, Daily prayer meetings, cell meetings, zone meetings, zone outings, and what not!

Another thing I'm grateful for is specifically the prayer meetings. The atmosphere at the prayer meetings were really overwhelmingly awesome. I thoroughly enjoyed singing and praying my lungs out, just seeking His face and bringing our requests before HIm.

2. Thank the Lord for shifting my perspectives about many things in life.

In particular, a pursuit of excellence. I've learnt that God is involved in ALL areas of my life, and that every area of my life must be lived for His glory! And what better way than to excel and pursue your best in each and every endeavour.

Secondly, I've also learnt to look beyond the four walls of church, the geographical boundaries of Singapore, and extend my sight to the nations. It's just awesome to see God moving in other nations. It's also a burden to carry the issues in the world upon our hearts. Really thank God for that.

3. Thank the Lord for more time with family. Can you believe it, my mum gave me a christmas present! This is unheard of in the Tay family. Haha. I've also realised that my mum talks to me more. My brother is also more vocal and speaks a lot more. (for those of you who have met him, if he speaks more than 10words to you, it's like a breakthrough!)

I could only thank God for this signs of breakthroughs in my relationships at home. I'm looking forward to being an even better example and a brighter light for the Lord.

So much for retrospect.

It's time to look forward and run. It's also time to leave behind all the baggage of my past. My sins, my failures, my mistakes and my wrong choices.

Really looking forward to 2009, a lot of things happening!

Hello 2009!

Everything in its time

2008-12-29T08:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer, 
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Christmas @ Katong

2008-12-22T07:18:00.000+08:00

Christmas at Katong is probably a significant marker in 2008.

I could sum up the past three days in 3 words - Corn, coins and company.

Corn -I have ran countless times, drove countless times ( been driven around ) to buy corn. Corn was such a hit and such a quick seller that we constantly ran out of it. Went once with Rachel, and we bought the wrong corn back. You see, the different type of corn came in similar packaging.

I didn't even realised it till we went back to the stall and Bee Har said," How come you bought cream corn?" Rachel and I looked at each other in shocked and amusement.

That was a classic moment.

Coin - I was in charge of handling the money and it is the first time in my life I have seen so much loose change and so much cash! The late nights counting the coins.

The first night was memorable - Junjie, Edwin, Ernest and I decided to count the cash in Edwin's car. I don't know why we came to such a decision. It was quite funny. All the easterners were waiting outside the car and staring in at 3-4 grown men fumbling with coins and notes.

We were taking ages to count, largely because I brought along too much lose change. The first day tally went something like 100x 10 cents, 40x5cents, ...

We couldn't find a 50 dollar note for quite some time, and I was panicking real bad. Jun jie finally found it, after we removed the tray from the cash register and found it lodged behind. Phew. What a relief!

Company - because through this whole bazaar thing, I saw dedication, sacrifice, toil and so much enthusiasm. I saw the tireless Edwin zip up and down in his toyota bringing ice, barley and drinks every morning. Bee Har manning the cash register with concentration and dedication. Ernest with his semi-stoned army face making cup corn, hotdog buns, and occasionally manning the register. Emma with her store designs and the badges that we proudly don on our dark colour tops.

Eunice, Wendy who were willing guinea pigs for corn testing and wii playing on thurs.

And the rest of the cell sweating it out in their plastic gloves (yes, wearing plastic gloves causes your hands to perspire).

There was the first day, where we didn't watch the bread in the oven and we charred it not once, twice but thrice! Louis and Deting trying to concoct secret ingredients to make the corn taste better - Louis added mayo, while Deting added MORE salt. =_=

Taking a photo of the hotdog - a last minute ditch to improve our publicity.

There was Ruth, our special guests and volunteer who stood in on Sunday! Kudos!

So much more unseen effort that many people have put in, too much to mention. Thought I better blog this, cuz it's easier than writing it with pen and paper. =P

Great work guys! haha. =)

And the work pays off! We made a good profit! =)

Putting the nails through the arms of my Master.

2008-12-01T18:36:00.000+08:00

Been doing my devotions on Hebrews the past few days.
Was just reading Hebrews and felt really humbled by what was mentioned in Heb 6:4-8 about people who have fallen away.

I don't want to be the one that puts the Lord to open shame. I remember a line from a song that goes something like, "Do you still feel the nails, everytime I fail?" ,

The passage also goes on to mention about that even though the ground is watered, that it still yields thorns and thistles is a warning to me.

At the same time, the earlier promise in Heb 4:16 that comes to mind is, that as we draw near with confidence, we receive the grace and mercy needed.

Fraught with weakness, but held in the firm,strong arms of the Lord.

Success!

2008-11-28T06:18:00.000+08:00

Today was my first try at making vongole pasta! It was a whack! =)

The correlation between singing and exam papers.

2008-11-26T12:03:00.000+08:00

What a way to end with a bang! The last paper was a KILLER. I can't believe it was so difficult! The past year papers were smoke screens for the horror hidden in this year's paper!

I was panicking throughout the paper. I kept telling myself, die die, this one sure jia lat, wah the paper super duper hard, sian man...

I'm just glad that I managed to compose myself. And I did manage to finish the paper. Phew.

At 1115am, with fifteen minutes to go, I was smiling to myself. I just couldn't wait for the paper to end. The holidays are here!! =)

One thing that I realised that calms me done during my exams is singing to myself.

I would get this song in my head, and while furiously scribbling illegible my answers, I would sing the song.

Today's song was super appropriate for my killer paper. I was singing Divine Exchange. Haha.

Divine Exchange

2008-11-22T04:52:00.000+08:00

Divine Exchange - Hill Song

The promise of God

2008-11-21T03:29:00.000+08:00

2 Peter 1:3 - "seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence."

Just some food for thought.

God gives His power to overcome sin, to overcome life, to deal with every situation in life, to be able to excel in our workplaces, and yet attain to a godliness in our character, actions and thoughts.

It reminds me that whenever I strive to become more like Him. the source of power is God Himself. Now that's a really cool thought. It's like going for exam with the ultimate kungfu manual.

And God doesn't make it difficult for us to find this manual of answers, we don't need to go to some cave in some remote forest.

God is my Deliverer and my Provider.

God teach me to apply all diligence as your Word says so.

It's the relationship that matters.

2008-11-16T08:14:00.000+08:00

It's quite funny how over the course of this week and the weeks before, I've been asking God really fundamental questions about life. Questions like : What am I here for? What is my purpose in everyday living? They seem to be pretty prominent in my thoughts recently.

I've come to a point where I wonder about my purpose in existence, and the meaning and relation to God in the daily activities that I do.

Ever since leaving my old church, I've been serving way much less than before. And in this period of rest, minimal ministry stuff, it seemed as if God was stripping it down and allowing me to rediscover.

I just had zone meeting on Friday and the eyes of my heart popped out when Newson said this, " Everyone will ask three basic questions in their life. One, "Who am I?" Two, " What am I doing?" And three, "Why am I doing?" It's quite cool how sometimes, when God speaks to you, He really hammers the nail at the exact spot.

If I could sum up what I go out of the sharing, it would be the word 'relationship'.
I wondered why I couldn't see it. It was as if on Friday night, my blind eyes were open ( Bob Mendelsohn shared about the blind man today =) and I suddenly understood.

Learning to make christianity a relationship and not a job. =) It's not about performance!

And so I've decided to rediscover my relationship with God. It's like a second honeymoon, for a lack of a better expression. =P

The year of shaking and thoughts on true fellowship

2008-11-12T07:59:00.000+08:00

I've realised more and more that this is really a year of shaking for me.

God really wants to strengthen the weak areas in my life. This year, I've come face-to-face with the big issues in my life. I can't help but look back at the past 10months and go "Wow, so many things have happened!"

One thing caught my attention during the T&E class yesterday. I felt God tell me the need to keep standing upon the convictions and prompting of the Holy Spirit.

It doesn't matter what other people do. If God told me to stop doing it or start doing something, I must obey!!!

I think one thing the Lord has really convicted me of this season is my relationship with people.

I tend to put on different sets of glasses for different people. Some people get the "Everything you say is not credible" glasses, some get the "Too serious" glasses while some get the "Avoid at all cost!!!!!!!" pair of specs.

And I realised that everything they say or do is filtered through the lens of biases I've formed.

This affects the way I respond to people.

So I really want to learn to treat others with gentleness and respect, and season my speech with salt. Learning to put on Jesus' spectacles of love, impartiality and grace. More and more, I feel the need to be an edifier, rather than a discourager or more bluntly put a pain in the neck. True fellowship, speaking into one another's lives must become part of my speech!

Time to remove the specs and put on God's contact lens.

Second Chance

2008-11-04T17:45:00.000+08:00

Just finished attending T&E- Elementary Truth 202.

It was as if God was letting me "lay again" the foundation of basic truths as Hebrews 6:1-2 puts it.

I really want to make it right this time. Looking back, I feel I have neglected a lot of basic things in my christian walk.

This is my chance to make it right. Today at T&E, the teacher was talking about making decisions. It was as if God has presented me another chance at 'starting over'.

Ps Yang was talking about a kairos moment. I think this is mine.

Signed, sealed, delivered

2008-11-03T06:26:00.000+08:00

Today was the day I signed my first contract to my first job! =) By the grace of God, I'm employed! =)

It was an interesting start to the day. I actually woke up LATE.I was quite panicky this morning - had to be there at 10am. When I opened my eyes, it was 905am! Gosh. Thank God I made it there by 10.05am.

I feel that I as I take up this job, it's as if I've taken up a entire new way of making decisions in life.

I guess this is how I want to live, always looking towards Him ,and waiting for Him to speak.

On the train ride back home, it occured to me that in the future, decisions would be bigger, with bigger consequences.

It was as if God puts me through a series of tests to see how I react. =)

This is my surrender God.

Inexplicable.

2008-10-27T08:54:00.000+08:00

It's funny how sometimes I doubt God will speak to me regarding major decisions in my life.

We always say, pray about it, think about it, and then see how. I've always wondered how God speaks to me about decisions in my life.

Recently, I had to decide on the choice of my first job. This experience has taught me much about trusting God and obeying Him in my decisions.

The wise move for an accountant would always be to choose audit in a Big 4 firm or any accounting-related work in any corporation, so that he could get his CPA certification and go n to do others.

On Saturday night, I had actually emailed a company stating my interests to join their audit dept. I could not sleep the whole night! Before that, I had this uneasiness regarding my choice. Somehow I felt I should have spent more time asking God, instead of hastily emailing the HR contact.

And so, once again ,God was right, and I was foolish. Could have saved myself much distress regarding this matter.

I have finally decided to just choose tax, because somehow I feel most strongly God wants me there. =)

Through this experience, the conclusion of the matter is : pray until I feel God says yes.

Roms 2:4

2008-10-22T05:52:00.000+08:00

This verse struck me yesterday when I went for 202.

The teacher was speaking on true repentance and she was saying that repentance is a gift from God. =)

May it never be said of me, that I lose the humility to repent and to ask God to change my thinking or behaviour.

Initially, i thought that I could have better spent my time at prayer meetings, cuz I had sort of learnt those stuff again. Oh man! wat pride!

At the class, I was awed and super humbled. Becuz I realised that I had taken the word for granted. =S

"What are the elementary truths mentioned in hebrews 6?" was the question I found myself unable to answer.

What contempt on my part!

In this season, thank God for chances to start anew. Like this. =)

The walk

2008-10-20T06:54:00.000+08:00

Think the thing that has really struck me this few days, is that my walk with God is of utmost importance.

Don't know why, it's so fundamental, yet it has strike a chord within me. Was reading Dr Brian Bailey's book on the Journey of Israel, and he did mention somewhere that God has not called us to do ministry, but also to a relationship with Him.

At prayer meeting, someone went up and said that God has to prepare our character so that we can assume the responsiblity of ministry..

I was serving and doing quite a lot of stuff in my previous church. At the moment, I'm pretty much free in cell and not serving in any ministry. =)

And in this season of receiving and recuperation. I find myself being challenged in the basics of my walk wiith God. The basics of reading His word, praying and worshipping Him are things that I feel must become the most important in my life again. =)

Help me Lord!

A blog post!

2008-10-12T18:38:00.000+08:00

It's been long.

I feel as if the Lord has seriously been dealing with me. I feel like I'm in a furnace, and the heat is causing all the impurities to rise to the top. Ps Yang was just speaking about it yesterday, and he said God has a way of just pulling the impurities out of us.

I can surely testify to that. Well, what do you expect? More heat, more purity. Need to be made new.

It's an exciting season. I am finally settling down in my new home.

It's great to finally call Cornerstone my home. =)

My Psalm.

2008-09-16T18:47:00.000+08:00

Oh bless the Lord all my soul.
Let every ounce of energy left be spent on singing a song to You.
Squeeze every muscle in my body to give thanks and shout 'hallelujah'

Sometimes it feels like the last 100m of my 2.4km run during my ippt test.
Sometimes it feels like having just finished two presentations, two quizzes and two reports.
Sometimes it feels like the longest route march I've ever walked.

Why does it feel like I've lost?
Why does it feel like I've been trashed in a match?
Why the feeling of lostlessness or hopelessnes?

Still I lift my eyes to the hills.
I raise my hands to the heavens.
I shout aloud.

I remember my help from above.
I rely on the promises He made.
I return to the Words He spoke.

Jim and his beans

2008-08-28T16:42:00.000+08:00

Jim had a bag of beans. They were very special to him.

Nobody knows why Jim was attracted to that bag of beans. His friends couldn't understand. It was told to many that one day, Jim walked pass Uncle Leonard's grocery shop. He looked at the vast array of vegetables, and suddenly, that crumpled, unshapely brown bag of beans caught his attention. The beans were lumpy, but they looked like beans. Jim's eyes litted when he held the beans in his hands. That begin his uncanny attraction to that bag of beans.

One day, Jim brought his beans out with him. And he met a farmer.

The farmer saw his bag of beans and asked him,

"Young man, what are those beans for?"

"I don't know Sir, I just like to keep them." Jim replied politely.

"Well, what use are they to you? Why don't you give them to me, I can plant them in my field and grow them. The beans themselves aren't really valuable unless they grow into nice big vegetables. If you keep them for too long, they might just dry up and die."

"Die? I thought I could keep them forever." Jim was saddened by the news. It never occurred to him that his precious beans would one day be gone. He couldn't let that happened.

"What must I do Sir? I don't want them to die." Jim asked.

"You've got to plant them son. Like I've said, you can give them to me and I'll plant them in my garden and I'll take care of your beans for you." the farmer smiled.

"I'll let you in on a little secret. If you give me those beans, I promise you I will get you a bigger bag the next time you come and see me. I stay just down the road."

Jim thought about it. It was difficult. His precious bag of beans. They were his pride, his joy, his security and comfort.

But Jim knew he had to do it. If not, his beans would rot and perish. He had to give it to the farmer, for only he knew how to grow and preserver his beans.

Jim raised his bag of beans to the farmer.

" Here you go Sir, you know what's best." Jim sighed. He had to part with the beans. It was time to let go.

It wasn't long before Jim met the farmer again. This time the farmer held a familar looking brown sack in his hands. Jim couldn't believe his eyes! The bag was bigger than before! And the beans were nice and smooth!

"Here you go son, as I had promised.' the farmer smiled, proud of himself. "Look, tell you what, when you want, you can always pop by and pick up some beans. See that green field over there? Yeap, those are all from your beans."

Jim smiled. He was glad he gave his beans to the farmer.

Zack and his two candies

2008-08-25T07:45:00.000+08:00

Zack loved candies. It was the joy of his life! Everyday, Zack would go to the basket in the living room and pick out two pieces of candy, nicely wrapped in crisp colourful foil. He loved to roll the sweet around in his mouth, letting it melt in his mouth. Zack never would bite the sweet. He wanted it to last as long as possible. Sweets were the most important to him.

It was time to go to the dentist. And Zack was pretty nervous about it. It was his first time. This year was a year of "first times" for him. First year in primary school, first brother, among others. He didn't know what to expect.

"Open up and say 'AHH'... "

Zack looked at the dentist and went, "ahhhh." He felt the sharp hook scraping, poking and moving all around his mouth. He daren't move. Mum said boys are brave and they don't cry, even when it was painful. Zack wanted to be a brave boy.

Finally, the dentist pushed a button and the chair resumed it's original upright position.

"Zack, do you know what's a cavity?" the dentist asked. Zack shook his head. This was the first time he heard the word. It sounded evil, like some of the words he knew.

The dentist explained it to Zack. It sounded a whole lot like his naggy english teacher. So Zack wasn't listening much until the dentist said, " You cannot eat any more sweets..."

Zack open his eyes in horror and disbelief. No sweets? He felt like the joker got the best of him.

"It might seem bad now, but next time when you're bigger, you will have teeth. And then you can eat all the things you want." the dentist smiled. "Besides, there are other good yummy things to eat."

"But why sir?" Zack asked, ever so hoping that the dentist would take back what he had told Zack.

"It's for your own good."

And so with those words ringing in his head, Zack went home feeling very sad. What he had always had, what he looked forward to everyday, what he wanted so badly when his tummy growled, his two sweets were now gone.

The next morning, the basket was in the living room Zack looked at it. He wanted it. He looked at it greedily and his mouth began to salivate. But he remembered what the dentist said. Especially the last line.

"It's for your own good."

Zack sighed. He walked to the kitchen to eat some bread. The bus was coming soon. It was time for school.

"Open you mouth and say 'AH' " the dentist scrapped, poked and moved the sharp hook between Zack's gums and teeth.

"Well, it looks good." The dentist said as he removed his gloves. "You didn't eat any sweets did you?"

Zack shook his head. He had a been a good boy for the past six months.

"I've got something for you." The dentist rolled his chair towards the table. He opend a box and reached in. Zack was curious. It wasn quite exciting. He was getting a present. Zack's heart started to beat faster.

"Take this," the dentist opened up his hands and it was two pieces of candy!

Zack could hardly believe his eyes. He was overwhelmed! At this point, Zack remember what
the dentist had said. He was glad he listened to him.

Zack looked at the sweets and this time it felt different. He didn't feel like he needed them. After six months without them, it was as if he loved them no longer. He still liked the taste, but it wasn't the same.

"I'll just take one sir," Zack smiled.

My blog has moved!

2008-08-17T20:18:00.001+08:00

Hi all!

All you closet blog-viewers.. I've shifted to

http://jemtay.multiply.com/

check my blog out there!!

The Popiah Aunty (Part 1)

2008-08-15T20:37:00.000+08:00

She rises before the sun does. Somehow, past the age of 50, you can't sleep for more than 5-6 hours. Perhaps, it was the hard life she had been through. It was more likely, a habit.

She gets herself ready. There is one additional chore that needs to be done today. She needs to get some groceries.

Carrot, white turnip, baby shrimps, garlic. She runs the list in her mind. She tries to recall what other ingredients are missing. Oh yes, a pineapple.

She locks her door, and unlocks the chain on her bicycle. The market was just downstairs. She looks at the number lock and thinks twice, maybe it would be wiser to leave the bicycle here. On second thought, it might be more convenient to do everything at one go.

As she enters the lift, she greets a familiar face. There was Uncle Tham. He suffered a stroke recently. After much therapy, he's able to walk, albeit with some help from his walking stick. She has know him for many years. It was only yesterday the government decided to take the land from them, and relocate to the HDBs. She's still pretty bitter over the meagre sum the government gave for her hut in the kampung.

The market is bustling with life. She zooms in on her usual store. It wasn't always about the cheapest deal. Freshness, quality, texture, country of import, all these mattered to her. She only trusted Lim. He too, came from the kampung. Unfortunately, only Lim, Tham and herself were relocated to Eunos. Some went to Bedok and Aljunied. They had lost all contact the moment they shifted out of the kampung.

They exchange a few words. She asks about his daughter. Lim's daughter was a scholar, and she works in the civil service. Lim was very proud of his daughter. She was the pride of his life. Everyone that knew Lim long enough would know the sacrifices and love he devoted to her ever since his wife passed on. It was a tragic accident. Lim still blames himself for the accident. He shouldn't have brought her our for supper.

Lim's face lights up the moment she mentions her name. She just got promoted. Lim tells her that he's going to a restaurant this Sunday to celebrate her achievement. He invites her to come join in the celebration. She accepts, of course. Everyone in the kampung was like family. They shared their hardships and losses together, and celebrated the successes as one big family.

She picks up a few carrots, turnips, and the pineapple and asks Lim for the total price. Lim smiles back and tells her the vegetables are on the house. He waves for her to take it. She refused, in polite oriental custom, but he insists. She finally accepts the gesture of goodwill. After all, she had been like a mother to Lim's daughter.

When Lim was holding two jobs, he would leave his daughter with her at the store. She took care of her as if she was her own. She never had her own child, much to her disappointment. Lim's daughter was like a mandate bestowed from heaven. She felt responsible for her upbringing.

Less comfortable

2008-08-11T07:38:00.000+08:00

I realised that sometimes, even a time of rest can degrade into a time of slack and comfort.

For me, I realise that I've not been praying enough for my friends. I've been praying convenient prayers for them, but not standing by them in prayer!

Second thing that hit me at this moment is that my time with God is not two hours in the morning and two hours at night. It's the WHOLE DAY. It just means I got to watch my guard 24/7, remembering to keep my eyes pure ALL the time. Evaluating my intentions, and thoughts. Not letting and unwholesome talk come out of my big gap.

Can rest, but not slack! =P

Word of God speak.

2008-08-10T16:42:00.000+08:00

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

The Lord GOD Almighty

2008-08-07T08:16:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've been reading up on the contemporary prophets of the OT. And boy it sure is scary. The God that could send earthquakes, fires, destroy nations, etc etc. It sure gave a new dimension to the way I see Him.

Many passages talk about the judgement of nations, and Israel as well. It always seems that the OT God is separate from the NT God. The old was righteous, impartial, a judge of nations; the new was a God of grace, love, mercy.

Through the readings, it has really got into my skull that God is the same past present or future.

One book that really left a deep impression on me is the book of Jonah.

God loved the Assyrians too. He loved them so much he sent Jonah to proffer a chance of to turn from their wicked ways. The last few verses of Jonah was an insight into God's character. That God valued mercy over judgement. He was patient and judgement was like a last resort.

Was really awed at God's love. How he loves them so much. How he loves me so much.

Thank You God for Your love. You are awesome, majetic, infinite, and the supreme Ruler of all, yet You choose to invest, sacrifice and love a person like me.

Major overhaul

2008-08-06T15:10:00.000+08:00

By far, these few weeks in retrospect have been by far one of the most fulfilling ones for me.

I just asked my Dad to buy me a bottle of multi-vitamins, for preventive purposes.

In this season of nakedness, it is as if God was feeding me multi-vits. Can't see the benefits of it yet, but in the long run, the yield will be high.

Feel that God is teaching me a lot about character. About meekness, about gentleness, about my actions, words, thoughts and attitudes.

Every misunderstanding, quarrel, reprimand, scolding; daily situations, daily encounters with family, strangers, bad drivers, is a chance for God to mould my character. Ain't that awesome??

God orchestrates every single meeting in my life as a chance to make me more Christ-like!

Looking back, serving God in ministry was one season, and in that season, God worked differently in my life. So new season, new lessons, and more importantly, more like my Saviour.

Macbook. Finally.

2008-08-04T12:11:00.000+08:00

My mac is finally working. My first post on macblack! haha. I am so amazed at the beautiful screen i am staring at now. It's so much nicer than any windows interface!

This is my first week of school, but i've got no classes till week 2. haha. so an extra week of holidays!! woohoo!

Yesterday morning Ps Yang preached on the wilderness. And he said that if there is no wilderness, there won't be a promised land.

Determined to make it through the promised land.

When times are really tough, it's the cross of Jesus that makes it sweet. =)

"At least he tried"

2008-07-29T14:15:00.000+08:00

Think it was Rick Warren who said he wanted these four words on his epitaph.

Well, I have put those four words up on my wall. To always remind me to keep trying. And keep trying I will.

Till the day I die to self, sin, and all worldly desires.

Till the day I fulfil the high calling of God in my life.

It's funny. I feel highly motivated. =P Whenever I watch tv or something, I always mumble to myself,"This guy, purposeless,causeless in life." Or,"Wah, at least this one got purpose. At least he fight for something."

I want to try and fight for His cause. To know Him and make Him known.

Updates!

2008-07-25T07:52:00.000+08:00

Wow! Time flies and it's the end of the first week of my holidays; or what's left of it.

God is real good. He spoke to me through all three services last Saturday and Sunday. I'm so glad to have found a new spiritual home.

I believe God is really doing a new work in my life. And I've gotta let Him do it. These past few tumultous weeks/ months have exposed me for who I truly am inside. Through this time, my masks of ministry/position, things to do, school, etc have been taken off and I've gotten a good look at what's been brushed under the carpet of my life.

Boy. It sure looks messy. =P

Thank God for this wilderness that I'm going through. It's a real blessing to have the great and mighty King take so much trouble, and time to invest in my life. To manufacture this whole thing so that I can face my real self and to give me the grace, strength, encouragement to press on.

Hosea 6:3 "So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth."

Come to me like a rain Lord, wash me over.

Food!

2008-07-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

The song that is ringing in my heart right now is “Free” by Planetshakers, in their new albums Free and All for love. I’m counting down to my last day in my Internship.

Right now, I’m enjoying a Ice-blended chocolate with peppermint. It tastes exquisite. All that chocolatey goodness in every mouthful, makes you want to just drink more and more. Add in that extra peppermint and it tastes all the more heavenly. Glorious! =) For those of you working at Raffles Place, you can order in! Check out the webby!

http://www.eelingocoffee.com/ Think they might have other branches also…

Anyway, here are some good food stalls I’ve savoured over the course of ten weeks here at Raffles Place.

1. Amoy Street Food Market

1^st floor – Beef Kway Teow

I’ve tasted the ‘teochew’ beef kway teow and I must say it is quite tasty. It costs $3, which is reasonably cheaper than other eateries at Raffles place. The soup was light but tasty. They gave substantial slices of beef and other stuff.

For me, it is a pale comparison of the almighty East Coast Park Beef Kway Teow. Oh well, beef is better than chicken anytime.

1^st floor – Prawn noodles

Oh the magnificent rich brown stock,the succulent prawns, and that melt-in-your-mouth pork ribs… It just blows your mind away. How do I describe the soup, it has that deep prawn and pork taste that leaves you wanting for more. It’s different from the others I’ve tasted. The soup is thick and very tasty.

2^nd floor – Lor Mee

My mum says the lor mee isn’t nice. I beg to differ. It’s the traditional hokkien lor mee that has the strong 5 spice smell in the gravy. The ingredients are fresh and compliments the gravy.

I think that’s about it for now la. It’s 530pm so I won’t continue anymore… haha.

Intership

2008-07-14T09:58:00.000+08:00

I’m back from lunch early today. Time flies and it is the end of internship!

I can’t understand why my grey pants always has that ‘damp’ smell. It is the kind of smell that only goes away if you sun-dry your clothes. My mum did hang the clothes out to dry. I really wonder why.

Well, internship has brought me a peek into the marketplace. What it feels like to wear a shirt and tie just to sit at a desk and stare at a screen.

Some thoughts about the corporate life and other random stuff :

1. MRT

Every morning, a thousand and one persons jostle, squeeze, push, force their way into the train as they go to work. There’s the occasional auntie that runs with her noisy heels up the escalator, shoves everyone at the train entrance, trying to squeeze into the already sardine-packed cabin. My goodness. Does anyone know that the next train comes in two minutes????

2.Food

I regret wasting all that money on expensive cai fan. Only towards the end of the ten weeks of PA did I discover $3 cai fan. I paid $4.50 for a plate of rice with 1 meat dish and 2 vegetables! It’s quite funny how my mindset changed after 2 months at raffles place. A meal costing $5 is considered cheap! (I used to think $3 for cai fan was expensive.)

3. Inner voice

On the first day of my internship, at a briefing conducted for all of us noobs, the person told us that in the office, people don’t shout and talk loudly. It was on that very day that I was introduced to the inner voice.

The inner voice is a unique part of everyone. Girls understand it more than guys (on the presumption that girls talk softly and gently – there are exceptions of course). I have discovered the inner voice in me. That soft, gentle pseudo whisper that I utilize in my communications in the workplace.

The only problem with this is that, on Saturdays/ Sundays, when you try to sing in service, it feels really strenuous to do so.

This has also made me understand the importance of using your voice to sing and the need the warm up your voice.

4. The lack of social activities

I think I say less than 20 sentences in the 8hrs in office. There really isn’t much talking, since you’re an intern and you don’t really know many people. Anyway, any socializing or non-work activity is frowned upon. That is why I am typing this in a word document to make it look like I’m doing my work. (oops.)

5. The increased agility and speed of your fingers

Sometimes when I get really bored (like now) I’d be engaged in non-productive activitied like blogging, reading people’s blog or reading the news. This probably happens approx. 20% of the time. So when my spider senses, or rather people’s noisy heels, tell me that someone will be walking by my desk, I quickly press alt+tab. I’m pretty good at that now. =)

Yawn. I’m getting sleepy already. 3.5 more hours to go!

Finally a post.

2008-07-08T13:24:00.000+08:00

I have decided to update my blog while at work. How time flies. I’m already in my 9^th week of work.

Slightly bored, so blogging now. =)

“The mystery of the full dustbin”

Every morning when I come to work, the dustbin underneath my desk is always full! I don’t know who comes and dumps all that stuff into my bin! This morning, I checked and I found a namecard with a Japanese name written on it. Wow, I’ve got some kind of special dustbin. People from all over the building come to my place just to dispose of their trash. Haha.

Well, nothing much about work anyway. I think life here has been good. I really enjoy my work, although it gets slightly monotonous at times.

I realize I am person who likes to do things and keep doing the same till I am a master of it… Don’t know if you get what I mean, but I just like to fine-tune my processes till I can function at a rate I deem efficient.

Anyway, this marks a new week for me. Last Saturday was my first Saturday at Cornerstone. And I am so so refreshed! I can’t explain it, but all I can say now is that there is so much excitement brewing within me!

I can’t wait for the weekend to come because I know I’m gonna meet up with friends and the awesome presence of God. =)

Letting go

2008-06-18T19:33:00.003+08:00

Steven Curtis Chapman - Miracle Of The Moment
From the album This Moment

It’s time for letting go
All of our if only’s
Cause we don’t have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

Chorus:
So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

There's only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now

And this is the only moment we can do anything about
And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat

Miracle of the Moment [Acoustic Version] - Steven Curtis Chapman

Seasons change.

2008-06-14T10:22:00.002+08:00

A new season of my life has began.

I've been in internship for 5weeks already. It has been a new and enriching experience.

It has caused me to ponder on my future and the kind of life I would lead next time.

Anyway, there has been these few thoughts runnning through my mind.

1. Time is really short, no more time to waste on petty things.

2. More is expected of those who have been given more.

3. I need to build more discipline into my life. As misty edwards puts it.. know how the Lord God speaks to His people : through the word, the quiet times of prayer and worship...

So yeap. Lazy to blog la. Shall stop here.. =S

My Holidays are almost over...

2008-05-07T10:26:00.002+08:00

Great. It's wednesday, and I have 4 more days of break.

I feel I have lost hunger. Side-tracked by so many other issues and distractions.

Just read an article that reminded me of the verse in Hebrews 11:6
"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him"

It simply means I seek, God rewards.

What you put your time to, you reap.

So what better way than to put time in God, who rewards you?

Crazy

2008-05-02T16:42:00.002+08:00

"Love makes you act that way"

To borrow a line from Steven Curtis Chapman

It's funny how the words of Paul are rephrased in this 'cute' song. (Think "Christ's love compels me".)

Well, His love definitely compels me to give my life to Him. Let's stick to that thought for this post. Shall take the time to blog while I wait for my hashbrown to turn, well, brown.

It's always funny how we admire, compare, aspire, to be like someone else.

I want to be on Dean's list! ( like the two brothers who's surname starts with 'T'.)

I want to produce my own album, have played rugby for my country and be friends with Brooke Fraser! (Just like my secondary school friend of mine)

I want this, I want to be that, blah blah blah.

I guess, Christ's love compels me to place my life, past, present, future into His hands.It compels me to trust Him for my future, my career, my results, my calling and my ministry.

I have always wondered what would have happened if I grew up going to ACS, then maybe being saved at another church, serving on another worship team, given a different value set, etc.
Oh well, so much for letting my mind wonder.

God's love gives me the assurance that He's got everything under control.

Sometimes in worship, there is this overwhelming sense of wanting to give my life to Jesus and pay the price, no matter what the cost. That's what I call compelling.

Thank God for who I am, how He's going to fashion me and the path He has laid for me. He knows best.

Maybe if I scored A+ and A for this semester (like one of the T** brothers), I might have just chosen to serve the world.

So I'll just leave my life, and live my life in the Master's hands. It makes life a whole lot easier to live.

Happy LAbour Day!

2008-05-01T19:07:00.002+08:00

It's interesting how different life journeys intertwine.

Our individual lives are knitted together in God's tapestry.

I'm intrigued at how many of us meet, in church, school, CCAs, outside, previous schools, etc and how at this point of our lives our journeys meet, and we somehow walk alongside each other.

I'm just glad to be a part of God's plan. Thank you Jesus.

Just came back from retreat @ Aloha Loyang

Didn't sleep the whole night. Spent it on champions league. What a waste.

Resolute

2008-04-29T19:03:00.002+08:00

So it is time for me to get extreme about certain things in my life.

I've got 3-4months of holiday+attachment before I go back to school.

I want to :

Stop watching tv
Use less Facebook
Start exercising
Start reading my books
Start studying my Bible
And sleep less in the afternoon

Time for some discipline in my life!!!

Guess what, I went to service my macbook, and I left the receipt at Fish & Co. =_=

Hope I don't have to end up paying or something...

It's over!

2008-04-28T22:49:00.002+08:00

I am declaring that exams are over!

In 12hours' time that is!

This has been the toughest semester I've gone through.

So far, these four months have been the most trying, not just in terms of studies but in all other aspects of my life too.

Wah, without Him I think I would have kapoot already.

One third of the year gone.

Am I still the same?

The narrow path

2008-04-27T18:14:00.002+08:00

How can we be refined, moulded, and suited to the plans of God?

Only through the test of fire.

Every person who wants to be used by God even more, has to be even less.

And more broken.

So mould me Lord, because I know You have great plans for me.

With Hope

2008-04-25T13:02:00.001+08:00

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Blog Drought

2008-04-24T17:34:00.001+08:00

There's been a drought at my blog due to the intense mugging that I have subjected myself to.

I'm taking a rest today after my paper.

This is a significant week for many of us.

A very important and precious person will soon be leaving us.

Leaving behind an huge void.

It's time to flap your wings and fly...

Living for something greater.

2008-04-18T23:38:00.003+08:00

"Every generation needs a revolution"

That's what Hillsongs says.

True indeed.

Been reading a book by Jim Cymbala on prayer. It's called "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire"

My vision for the youth never changes.

I pray that I will avail myself to the move of God.

I was watching this video and my heart was really stirred up.

I want to live for something worth dying for.

I want to live for a cause.

And no greater cause than for Jesus and His heart for the lost.

Please God, remind me of the vision and keep my heart soft.

Rain rain come again...

2008-04-17T15:53:00.002+08:00

We're so thirsty Lord.

Can't wait for exams to finish. Here I am with zero motivation to mug. Maybe tonight. =)

We Prepare The Way

2008-04-14T10:03:00.001+08:00

This is a heartfelt song that really touches my heart a lot.

Take some time, listen to the lyrics, let the Holy Spirit remind you and I that life isn't just about work, CCA and projects. Nor is it just the struggles of our hearts.

It's about God and His glory, and His work in you, the church and the world out there.

Prepare Him a way.

Weakness

2008-04-12T10:06:00.002+08:00

It is only in weakness do we totally lean on God.

It's only in disappointment, that you realise your hope can only rest on God alone.

It's only in gloom, sadness and burdened moments that we find God to be the lightest burden to ever carry.

To all those out there suffering under tons of work, intense pressure and unsurmountable struggles in your life,

Take it to the Lord in prayer as the song says.

The best time for Daddy to pick us up is when we are too tired to do anything anymore.

It is finished.

2008-04-11T00:32:00.003+08:00

It is finshed. Don't ever what to talk about it. Can't wait to hand it up tomorrow.

Can't believe this took up so much of my time.

Dance with me again

2008-04-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

"Dance with me again, let the angels tell each other, heaven's playing our song" -Jessie Goodman

Sometimes, deep in our heart, we really longed to be loved like a little child, with no strings attached.

You don't need Him to say anything, you don't even need to look at Him.

The nearness of God, the embrace of His big warm arms, the thump of His heart.

Daddy God, lift me up and embrace me. I just want you to love me.

Hope.

2008-04-09T19:28:00.002+08:00

Listening to Jessie, Klaus, Kent and many others have reminded me that there is so much depth in worship.

it's like a river. we start ankle deep, then we go knee deep and finally we're totally submerged, immersed in His presence.

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. " Psalms 46:4-5

Can my Quiet time be always total immersion in His presence? Can youth service be like this? Can main service be like this?

Can. Whether we want to or not.

Complain

2008-04-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

Talking to God, talking to Him about everything - Kent henry

Wah, it's almost over..can't take it!! just finish doing my project. =)Whine whine whine.

Talked about worship abit just now at Gloria Jeans with some of my peeps.

Something leaps in my heart whenever people around me start talking about worship. It's like, my inner man suddenly lights up and sends a signal that goes beep beep in my head.

Don't know why I got this sudden blogging craze. Maybe it's becuz of this new RSS feeder I got from Jason Lee Tok Kong. Wah.

if you want it pls drop me a msg at the tagboard.
It's for MAC users only.

Old Wives' Tale

2008-04-07T22:13:00.002+08:00

My auntie said soaking in the mango in salt water will get rid of heatiness in the mango.

Sheesh.
Well, doomsday on Friday, and my project group is driving me nuts. But it's ok. Endure.

Nonetheless, listened to Jessie Goodman today and something about worship just struck me.

There's just this endless depth of His presence. Woah. Don't know how and don't know why, but it's just ... satisfying. Haha.

Sweet Jesus, in the roar of His waterfall... Wash me over and rush over me...Wonder what the Psalmist was doing.

I can imagine, him near a large waterfall, sitting with his lyre, harp or any ancient instrument, and singing and singing and just being reminded of how awesome His presence is.

Wah. Don't ever let worship be boring Lord. It is a disgrace to You!

Work

2008-04-06T22:32:00.002+08:00

I remember a line from a kent henry song I always sang to myself when I was emo in Secondary School and JC.

When my heart pined for the love of the girl I liked, when quiet time was super dry, when I got scolded lots lots by my leaders.. haha. This should stir up some interest in reading this resurrected blog.

"Why do I sway, I can't face the day without You.. My heart beats away, but Your love remains always true"

The load of work is super heavy! No wonder some of my kids are dying.

No rest + no QT + no connection with God + too much project/work = death inside out

The most important thing for me now is to keep my heart soft and close to Him.

The hardest thing to do, so it seems. When time is such a precious commodity, God becomes a rarity.

One more week, then the projects are over.

Endure.

Updated!

2008-04-03T22:35:00.002+08:00

Boo.

I shall update my blog.

So here we have. An entry. =)

Time flies.

I'll be interning at KPMG this summer. What exciting prospects.

An entry

2007-10-01T16:41:00.000+08:00

It's the week after term break and I've totally no motivation to carry on studying. =P

So here I am, blogging becuz I just don't feel like putting my mind to any academia. Hope I can get myself to some work.

Well, time really flies and we are into our last quarter of the year. Just feel really poetic at this moment.

Just tagged on someone's blog, " Silence is not the absence of answers but the sound of waiting..."

So profound right.

Well, here's another one.

Trust is not the absence of fear but the willingness to let go.
The second one not so nice. The first one better.

In this season of change, many things go through my mind. Especially that of trusting God and waiting on Him.

I keep thinking about my future. The truth is, my future cannot be found in a working environment where I slog my life away for money. I just can't.

Yet at the same time, I tell myself that if I don't work in the world, who's going to feed me?

Struggle. A continual and evergreen phase we go through at various stages of our life.

Amazingly, God has been showing His presence to me. And I really must go deeper into His presence. Can't take Him for granted.

5 more weeks of school, and exam here we go. =)

Daddy don't sleep.

2007-09-10T14:57:00.000+08:00

Baby look up theres our star in the middle of the sky
Shining where we are to comfort you and I
While I hold you in the dark I hope you see the light
And the passion of my heart in this simple lullaby

Daddy don't sleep daddy dont slumber
I dont wonder when it thunders
If Im safe in daddys arms (repeat)

Daddy look up theres our star I hear you say to me
Something deep inside says I never want to leave
So I need for you to know whenever I go
God is in control and you are in His arms

Jason Upton.

"You can't live till you know what you live for."

Where's Wally?

2007-08-14T21:58:00.001+08:00

Remember the book 'Where's Wally?' where you search for Wally amidst a barage of details on two full colour pages? I could say the same for God in life.

Is it enough just to pass life each day? Is it enough just to do QT, and fulfill speaking to God daily and then move on?

It seems that for most of us God is just confined to the time frame of our QT.

He isn't in our thoughts.

Whatever happened to that lingering sense of His presence? Don't you feel like just so happy and awed when you wonder what God's done?

He isn't in our speech.

Is He that boring? Is GE, Maple and other games worth discussing over? Who's gonna level up? Which item did you get... Is homework really worth griping about?

He isn't in what we do.
The mouse clicks, the keyboard rumbles. The pen rolls on and on... Our eyes are glued to the screen. Our tables are filled with work. Games are more exciting. Homework is more pressing.

Ah, I know where God is. He's given that tiny little corner in our heart...

There.

Can you see it?

He's just like Wally. Easily unnoticed.

BOMG

2007-08-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

I think it's true. We're not desperate enough. I feel not desperate enough.

It is as if the moment Monday came, I warped myself into another zone. The comfort zone. Looking back this week, I think I could have been more desperate for the things of God and for the burdens of His heart.

Must keep fanning the flame.

Remembered what was said regarding JoinT '06. That revival was like starting a BBQ fire. The point we're at right now is somewhat when you put the firestarters in and you don't actually see the flames or the amber charcoals.

You wait, and you fan. Then you just keep fanning and fanning till you see the fire come up.

I guess I'll start with a daily committment to pray. =)

GOd, please keep my eyes open to the pain of this generation, and more importantly, to see that which is in Your heart.

Sleepless in Singapore

2007-07-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

It's one of those nights, where you feel tired, but not wanting to sleep, in an effort to make full use of your time.

The school holidays are almost over, and it sure has been one good long break. A well-deserved one!

Ok let's see, what random thoughts will I post at 1am in the morning.

The most joyous moment of my day today was this morning when I was with God. Today's worship was just that bit different. God was so close. I could feel His arms around me today.

Guess I needed Him quite a bit. It's not been an easy few weeks, nor has it been hard. It's just, I've struggled through with my life, wondering whether I loved Him enough, amongst many other questions I've asked myself.

His presence today was just, "whoo" - in the words of Jason Upton.

I wondered whether I was living life pure enough, carrying His burdens, and whether I was desparate enough. The questions haunt me constantly, as I try to find the answers that elude me.

Well, today I realised one thing, I really got to just stay close to God and love Him. Then He'll come down, down, down, to the next-to-me-place. =)

It was that simple.

How to Talk about Jesus to Your Friends

2007-07-17T22:04:00.000+08:00

Here's some suggestions as to how to start a conversation about God.

It doesn't have to be a "turn-or-burn" sermon, but it could be a chance for you to show your friends how much God loves you and how much He means to you. Just be the light and salt. =)

#1 - put a plastic fish with your friend's name in your pencil case.

During lessons, purposely leave pens all over your table and make sure your 'fish' is can be clearly seen by all your classmates seated around.

"Hey, what's that with my name on it?"

Brilliant!! Now you start sharing with your friend.

#2 - bring and read a Christian book (e.g. Rachel's tears)

Read during recess or during breaks. Remember the interesting portions and you can share them with your friends.

Try buying books like biographies. They present real life stories that can be really good talking points.

#3 - read up on articles in the newspapers. E.g. recently the earthquake in Japan.

Talk about how fragile life is and how you can't hold onto your own life. Then maybe ya can talk about Jesus being your guarantee. =)

Can't think of more for now... =)

It's Funny Sometimes

2007-07-04T19:21:00.000+08:00

Funny, how when you look back, you realised how God used the seed you've sown and made it grow.

I remember in Sec 2 there was a close friend of mine whom I was praying really hard for. He's been my close friend from Pri 5 till then. And it seemed that no matter how many times I asked, he would not want to come to church.

I suppose, it was in Sec 3 or 4, that we had a Religious Emphasis Week (REW). When the preacher gave an altar call for salvation, and asked the students to walk down the centre aisle, I saw him taking his steps of faith and committment to the Lord.

Now this brother of mine, is faithfully going to church and growing. =)

Wow. Can't imagine. Prayer does work.

Don't ever stop praying or sowing. You never know. It's funny how God uses us. =)

Sowing Seeds or being Mr Nice Guy?

2007-07-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

Met up with my Sec Sch buddy.

It's funny, how little we remember about our past and our various conversations, experiences, and funny incidents.

Sure we remember the extremely lame ones, or the really jia lat moments. But ask me if I remember any of our conversations or anybody that really left an impact on my life, there would be none of my class friends, except this buddy of mine.

The point is this : We can all be nice friends, with funny lines interjected in conversations, and be people who are nice, polite and just plain good friends. "Don't shake the boat with your spirituality" , maintaining your status quo. Talking only about stuff they are comfortable with...

But, you know what, not many would remember much of what you said or do.

The only thing they recall of you is ,"Oh, he was a nice guy."

Most of the time you lose contact and you move on with new friends in new places.

And congratulations. You've lost a chance to impact a friend eternally.

Some times, being Mr. Nice Guy isn't really the best. If you don't sow the seed, it would last eternity. Only God and His word are eternal.

Argh. If I had the chance to turn back time, I'd definitely have shared with my Secondary School Class mates. All they remember of me probably, is that I slept in class most of the time.

Hmm, no time to lose. Must seize my chances.

A Burning Heart

2007-06-25T10:31:00.000+08:00

Fulfilling the will of God at all cost.

At this point of my life, that has never been more important.

After coming back from Batam, I've felt as if God has rekindled many of my passions.

Evangelism, the passion to love the youth, the burning desire to fulfil all He has called me to.

And an aching and overwhelming desire to do His will. No matter what it is big or small.

I've wondered how the man/woman of God can sustain or go through so much in life and yet run to pursue God's call.

It's that deep sense. That call on your life that is irrevocable.

deep calls to deep.

I pray this will last, and translate to action.

My Family

2007-06-14T11:59:00.001+08:00

Was just talkin to my NTU buddy, and sharing about family.

Hmm, looking back at my own, I'll realised that God's promise is coming to pass. God said in Acts that if one is saved, then the entire household is saved, and mine o mine, God is faithful to His word.

On my Dad's side, it's amazing how his brothers are got saved. My grandma has been a christian for more than 10 years, and she is a Spirit-filled, tongue-speaking Christian! hah.

Up to this point, my entire paternal side is saved except my Dad and my Auntie. That's 2 out of 5 siblings. My grandpa received Christ a few years before he went to meet Jesus.

My mum's side, my uncle is saved. So it's up to me to complete and fulfill God's will in my family.

Really believe it's up to me to pray and intercede till my maternal grandma and my dad and mum are saved. =)

Anywy, I've added a song by Matt Redman, and it has really touched my heart. Check it out!

Thank God!

2007-06-11T18:50:00.000+08:00

I'm back!

Well, what better way to start again, then by thanking Him who has made it all possible.

Let's see, for this post, I think I'll name two, both related to school.

My results came out last Friday. This semester has been a great journey. All throughout, I've made it a point to honour God the best way I can with my time. And that meant that if I had to choose make a choice between God and grades, I'd choose Him.

I woke up that morning, feeling nothing spectacular. Just blur. And a little woozy. The 'just-woke-up' feeling. And I went to access my grades.

Let's see, I got 1 A, 2 B+ and 1 B. Not too bad. My first A ever! =) And yes, thank God for my result.

I kinda expect like all As and like A+ as well, haha. At the back of my head, I was like," God, see I honour You leh, give me super good grades cuz I've been trying to be a good child." So cheeky right?

Anyway, thank God la. He really honours those who honour Him. =)

The second thing I want to thank God for is my Special Sem Module. I took up AB228- Professional Attachment Module for us Acc/Biz students. It's a 5-lesson module which requires attendance for all sessions.

Guess what, I agreed to go Batam without even realising that it clashed with my lessons. I was in disarray when I realised it. And Ps Ben said he submitted my name liao, so I can't just go quitting on him...

Well, I sent out a mail, and after a long long wait, the school replied and I was withdrawn from the course, without having to fail it. =) Talk about a blemish on my results.

So thank God, because it goes to show that He cares, even for the small things and 'non-spiritual' aspects of my life. =)

Woohoo!

Choices

2007-05-17T15:30:00.000+08:00

It's pouring outside now. It's beautiful to stare out the window, where the winds howl and rain crashes down, knowing that you are save in the comfort of your concrete establishment.

Haha.

I've decided not to work this holiday so that I can really spend more time with God and to take time to rest as well. =)
Hopefully I won't waste my time away watching tv.

Choices. Life is full of it. Simple ones like what I'm going to eat later with the guys at kovan to complicated ones.

When I typed the word complicated, I pictured this scenario:

Life isn't going to good, school's tough. Your friends seem far away at times, you don't know where you're headed spiritually, and things just don't feel that right anymore. Family isn't nice to you anymore, you fail half the tests you take.

You face many questions in life, you wonder whether running this race for God is worth it.

Well, the correct answer would always be "Aiyah, trust God la, He will help you through it."

Too many a times, those words feel like feathers upon our heavy heart. You wonder whether God's promises to you are true.

I've thought about it. And I look back at the times when I fell really really low. Was sulky and crappy most of the time ; thank God He picked me up out of the miry clay. It really was grace that pulled me up.

I seriously have no solution or method to help, but I can only pray that our eyes will be open to all that God has said in His word, and the many times He has pulled us up in the past.

Argh. If we only see what God sees.

Maskmen

2007-05-10T15:25:00.000+08:00

It's so easy to hide behind masks.

Many times we remember the happy times of our lives, and try to forget the not so good times. It's all too easy. Pass each day and let life pass us by.

We tell others on our blogs, in conversations, on the phone that we're doing fine and life's great and all.

Ask any of your school friends, most of them will tell you life's dealing them quite a good hand.

Somehow, it feels like everyone's playing everyone in a mutual round of masquerade.

But it's true. Emptiness resonates clearly thru the hollow tube of life. No one admits it. Some hide it. Others fill it with activities, pursuits and pleasure. Yet all of these are like pumped-up balloons. Air begins to escape and the space is empty, again.

The truth is, only God can satisfy.

Whenever I'm not doing right with God, it seems life is very crappy, and really boring and meaningless. Haha.

But when I'm doing my quiet time and keeping up with God, that 'sense' of purpose fills me up.

God said He came to give us life and life in abundance. I sort of understand it now.

Comms Check

2007-05-08T19:09:00.000+08:00

What happened to good old conversations over meals and the phone?

It seems these days, we can barely hold a serious and 'impartational' conversation among ourselves, not to mention our kids.

As I read the blogs of some others, I've realised that I've learnt so much more from them, than from speaking to the person himself. Hmm, speaks volumes of what transpires amongst us when we do go out.

Fun? Laughter? They are part of our fellowship. But there is and must be more than that.

Sad to say, I am a culprit of talking too much nonsense.

Well, can't tell our kids to call each other up and chat seriously when we can't even hold one amongst our peers.

Sometimes, I feel that as I get older, it gets harder to open up and show my flaws. Argh. No wonder they say adults are complicated.

Well, if this must start, it must start with me.

It wasn't too long ago.

2007-05-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

Hmm, funny how much we change, over the course of a year.

Was reading a blog, and I realised how much that person has changed.

One year ago, I was teaching in Bedok Green. And now, I'm gonna start work again.

This time, I'll be facing computers instead. =)

The interview's at 954am tomorrow morning. Well, if God wills, I will take the job. =) Let's see whether the door's open.

I just waxed and polished and cleaned the car today. Took me a good 4 hours. I kept my word. Told my parents I would clean the car and my room after my exams. Still have another half to fulfill.

Time really flies.

Some things just aren't eternal. Better invest in the right things.

Mosquitoes

2007-04-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

My favourite! Don't ask me why my posts have been about pests. It seems that studying has brought out the creatures of the night...

My tormentor eludes me. That six-legged flying pest with a proboscis that finds it's sweet spot on my succulent flesh is really getting on my nerves. Literally. Argh.

I've sprayed all over the place and I don't think it's dead.

Anyway, I'm really inspired to pray real hard again. So I went to grab my EM Bounds. He sure was an inspiration. If you wanna read up on prayer, go grab his book.

The greatest talent God gave man, is to pray. Because, when prayed with an earnest heart, it wroughts God's promises.

Prayer reaches God's ears, and stays there. No pray, prayed by His children go unheard.

Yeah. Let's keep praying!

Is God Real?

2007-04-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

Hmm, stumbled upon this website that's really out to prove God wrong, and to challenged religion in totality.

Is God real? they asked. If He's real, then why do so many suffer? And why didn't He stop the massacre at Virginia Tech?

Hmm, so many questions, humanly, not many answers.

I feel the aching heart of God that cries for the very people He died for. It bleeds everytime they curse Him and reject Him.

I wonder what will happen when we all stand before God one day and God points to the athiest, with tears in His eyes, and says:

"You were wrong. I am real."

The nail-scarred hands. The broken body.

Denial doesn't equal non-existence. Neither does the lack of knowledge of God equal God does not exist.

If God doesn't answer prayers, it doesn't mean He didn't hear them.

If you can't feel Him, it doesn't mean He's not near.

If you suffer, it doesn't mean He doesn't care.

God. Help me understand Your ways.

House of flying cockroach

2007-04-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

Buzz. I turned and I saw the cockroach. Fear was in the air.

My best defense was the can of insecticide. I reached for it immediately. Spam.

Torrents of chemicals came bursting forth from the nozzle.

And still it ran.

It refused to give in, battling against the poison that choked and consumed it. Struggling to find freedom, it escaped into the shadows underneath my bed.

Argh. Had to find it lest it crawls into my ears and lays eggs. ( A story I heard from my mum who heard from her friend that her son wa hearing rattling noises in his eyes, and they turned out to be cockroach nymphs.)

I shifted my bed aside and found it.

Victory was near. I saw it on its back, faced upwards. The toxic was killing it slowly, but surely.

the ordeal was over. I hate cockroaches. They look so big and scary when they fly. yucks.

The victor parades and flaunts his trophy. His prized 'catch'.

The Beginning of the End!

2007-04-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

Exams, exams! Don't feel like exams.

Hmm, no worries, I've been studying, but I'm kinda relaxed about it. =)

So here's some pictures of my day! =)

We went to China Town market. Food there was ok la.

Then the guys came over my place, in the guise of studying. I DID study. While they whipped up food.

Touching God's heart

2007-04-13T23:27:00.001+08:00

What cool lyrics! =P

Why oh why?

2007-04-11T19:31:00.001+08:00

To quote a few sentences from people I hear,

"Life is so boring, everyday is the same, work, come home, then sleep,"

Is life really so meaningless? Hmm. I don't think so. At least not for me. I have found the secret formula for living a exciting life!! hahas. Ask me how!

No la. Don't know how to explain why, but things have never been better.

It seems age has brought me a certain amount of wisdom. hah.

Life is not boring because : i'm investing my time in eternal things.

And, I've been surrendering my studies to God, which makes living a whole lot simpler!

Wondered why I look so relax in school? becuz God's in control of my life! Just wished my friends would understand how much God does for us...

Why oh why does life seem boring/

Why oh why is life miserable?

If only we allowed God to shift our perspective...

People always say you let God help you, you let God work in you, you let God shift your thinking...

And most of us go, aiyah, heard that so many times from our leaders... doesn't work. Its crap.

Well, I beg to differ. Time to let your faith in God believe that He IS the only way.

Trust His Heart

2007-04-08T00:55:00.000+08:00

If you feel life's not going your way,

pause.

And Listen.

God Speaks.

"Trust My heart."

Wednesday Nights

2007-04-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

WEdnesday nights are wierd and tiring nights.

Always rushing to complete Accounting Tutorials, and studying for quiz.

Exams are round the corner, and it's giving me the chills.

Well, I've told God that I would honour Him with my life and my time, so I must. =)

Well, it's kinda hard, amidst the reality of stress and fierce competition from all sorts of muggers here at NBS.

But then again, I will not get caught in this rat race!!

Life-changing.

2007-04-02T20:37:00.000+08:00

Wow. It's been awhile good old faithful blog.

I'm back and still blogging, for those of you people who read blogs when ya're free, for a peek into the lives of others.

Hah.

Well, two more weeks to exams. And I don't feel a tinge nervous. I'm too tired of school to feel the urgency. Coupled with a renewed passion to put God above all, it sure hasn't been a top priority to mug.

But mug I must, to maintain a decent grade. =)

A recent spate of events have changed my life, drastically.

First of all, there was that momentus Sunday leader's meeting, where God meet me on my knees. Lill shared that this journey wasn't going to be easy. We had to make a choice, to run or to give up. By His grace, I made my decision, and i told God i would run, with His hand and His strength. I would never forget the tears in my eyes and the repeated words, amidst the sobs of, ' I love You Lord, I will run this race."

Then secondly, there was worship encounter. I spend my week in preparation for it. You know, when you gotta such a gigantic task, you'd be fasting and praying... =P

So i did, and my oh my, did God show me things. I could hear His voice clearer. It's true!

Thirdly, there was evaluation after Worship Encounter. I was reminded that I must cherish my chances to serve Him in my calling. I would never forget those words :"Don't wait till you got no more chance to serve, then you regret not fulfilling what God has called you too."

Invest in my gifts, she said. don't waste your time, she challenged. And my heart was engulfed in angst. I needed to go to God. I needed to fulfil what He's called me too.

So I've made up my mind. To pursue Him at all cost.

Today was funny, I tried praying, but ended up being in the 'spirit'. Hah. I was stoning half the time... =P It's the afternoon heat.

Yet, I will press on. Because, He's called, He's enabled, what more must I do. Just obey

Student Cries @ 4As for A Levels

2007-03-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

A mixture of emotions regarding a report I read in the Newpaper. It seems pretty absurd for a person to cry over a decent set of results obtained. Really wonder why one would be so disappointed.

What could be the reasons??

Well, firstly it definitely stems from expectations. Expectations of what their results should be.

Expectations stem from two sources : themselves and what other's would think,or have thought of them.

Well, expectation from others come from either parents or friends, or even society. The immediate environment you live in ie your school, or your country.

RJC. Don't see Ben Seck feeling stress over his results. We'll talk about him later on.

Hmm, wonder why people place such expectations no themselves. They place so much attention, invest so much energy and effort to obtain academic perfection. I wonder what drives them.

Secondly, it could be fear. Fear motivates people to really go beyond themselves. Perhaps, fear of being looked down, fear of losing out, fear of dsappointment, fear of not being noticed, not standing out.

don't really know.

Don't know whether to laugh or sympathise with them. It seems that they are really really blinded people.

Life without Jesus drives us to live in constant fear and in constant need to meet expectations of others.

With Jesus, we live in Godly fear and the need to meet His expectations. =) Not that it's easier, just that it makes you happier. If you let Him work. Well, that's enough for now. Time to continue mugging for my Financial Management.

The pursuit of Happyness

2007-03-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

Today, some of me pals and I went to catch the movie.

It's funny how they mention that happiness will always remain as a pursuit.

Even as I think about the Christian journey, it's not always been happy and cheery all through summer. I've had my patchy moments.

The elusive, perfect life we all so eagerly long for. It always seems when we feel really down that we start wishing for better stuff. You feel me?

Wish you had not done this, wish you were this other person. Wish ya were in another church. Wish ya had different leaders. Wish your leaders were nicer. Etc, etc, this list goes on and on and on.

Before I continue, happiness is a state of freedom, to smile and to just feel comfortable. It also involves a feeling of satisfaction. It makes you feel good. May not be about yourself.

I ask myself, what do I really want? What makes me happy?

Well, food makes me happy. But only for a moment.

The only thing that really lasts, for me, is when I've lead a good worship session, or someone from the lifegroup comes up and says thanks to me. Now those moments REALLy make me happy.

The other thing that makes me really happy, is when I know I am right with God. That's a real sense of happiness. More of freedom.

Well, I guess I'm really happy when I do God's will. Really.

My friend said at starbucks that happiness is really up to the individual to define. Well, I'm not too sure about that. Some things make us happy for a day, others for a month. But nothing every really lasts. You see, we were all made with one purpose, to love God. Until we do it, we can never be really happy.

I guess God knew and still knows better. Honestly, having tasted it, I tend to side Him. =)

Run, and don't look back.

2007-02-17T18:29:00.000+08:00

Well, read Samuel's testimony on POWER M&M's blog. And I felt kinda reminded of a few things I'd like to place on virtual memory.

Choices and paths, two things I would like to talk about in this entry. I still remember the times when I would stand at the altar and tell God I give my life to Him. Only to falter and fall so many times.

I still remember the tears streaming down my eyes, the deep angst and emotion. And that burning desire to lay all down for Him.

Today I sit here and I ask myself, have I truly given my life to Him? I look back at the times I have said yes to Him, but I realise now that I've not truly given it to Him. Sigh.

At this very moment, my faith and passion waiver and I think I've sort of lost it.

Time has allowed me to put on fronts pretty easily. It's kinda easy to come on Saturday and just put on a show.

Yet time has also solidified my relationship with Jesus and my thinking, perceptions, ideals about life's journey.

I really want to make it to the end. No matter the cost, and no matter how much time I take. Obstacles will always be obstacles, they will only be there for that specific point of the race. I just gotta keep running and jumping over them.

Desire is one thing, it must lead to action. And that's what I aim to achieve as I trudge on.

Lord, I must make it to the end, theres nothing else that's worth it.

Late Nights

2007-02-17T00:27:00.000+08:00

Hmm, such an ungodly hour. Yet I'm still wide awake. The mood's pensive. Don't know why. But it's just another great moment to blog! Hah.

My curtains are down and in the laundry so that means I on public display. Anyway, the skies look rlly nice and calm. Peaceful. A complete opposite of what life is like in the day.

Regrets. That's the word on one of the boy's MSN display.

Any regrets in my life? Plenty. Self-induced, one too often. I wonder what it would be like if all my sins were counted against me. I'd be lost for words, actions, and reaction.

I don't know. How can I respond for the countless misdeeds? How can I stand righteous for the wrongdoings?

Forgiveness. We all need it. Constantly.

Sometimes I look in the sky and I wonder what life would be like if I didn't do certain things. Or make errors that on hindsight were so impetous and rash. Hmm. I can only imagine.

Well, enough retrospect. I guess, I still stand by His grace.

Hope. Of what is unseen and what has been promised.

I wonder what iit would be like when I graduate and start working. A short conversation on the MRT home reminded me of how vicious the corporate rat race is. Or so they say it is. Well I still run the Race?

God protect me and strengthen me. I don't want to stop running!

Taste of Heaven

2007-02-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

Wonder what's it like to taste glory?

Wonder how it really feels to enter God's presence and just sit there and let Him reveal Himself to you?

Where the music stops, the people fade, and your eyes are closed. Emotions are intense. There's this burning desire inside to reach out for more. There's this presence that envelopes,encompasses, and engulfs.

You feel hungry, yet you are filled. You want more, but there's nothing more to ask for.

You want to lift your hands, you want to give more. You feel the need to give more.

You feel the need to sing. You want to sing your heart and lungs out to Jesus. You want to play on your instrument and express your feelings.

It's beyond words. You gotta experience it yourself.

Yearn. Desire. Expect.

One of those nights again.

2007-02-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

I remember 'writing' a song in the days of my foolish youth. It went something like,

"It's one of those nights again,
When I think of your lovely face."

Can't remember the rest of the lyrics. Interpret it anyway you like. Hah.

Well, it really is one of those nights. Can't get to sleep, don't know what to do till the next day.

It's been a great day! Sermon was great, challenging. I really enjoyed myself today in service. I feel God is challenging me to really put my family first. Hmm, one of the hardest things to do.

It's never been easy witih family. The walls of silence, have made talking uncomfortable and unusual. Maybe it's time to break it.

Been sneezing too often these days. Wonder why.

Have typed enough to induce drowsiness. Time to turn in.

A long long time

2007-01-30T22:54:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's been a while.

It seems late nights make a person more vulnerable to emotion and reflection. And thus this entry.

Well, sem2 of Uni life seems much much easier compared to sem1. Don't know why albeit the heavier schedule.

Well, tonight I am reminded of how fleeting one's experience is with the experiences of this world. Why do I say that? And in what respect?

Well, I always remember Lester and his super enthusiasm for his CJC. (No offense man, LOL) But it always reminds me of how easy it is to have fun, enjoy life and then forget about the rest.

I'm feeling it now. Not that enjoying yourself is bad, then I would be leaning to ascetism. Hah. But, sometimes, I feel as if I rather enjoy school study my best, and then forget about it.

How about my friends? How about their souls? It still bugs me.

Friendships lasts, but salvation is forever. Hmm.

I am reminded once again that I've been called out of this world as well. And yes, Lester's "I want to make my first million by 30." has struck a thought. Sorry man, but you're the man!

Easy for me to say, but when the time comes for me to pay for my loans, give money to my family, it makes me wonder whether I will fall unknowingly into the rat race.

"Pray, lest you fall into temptation." I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand. Guess I just gotta stick close to Him.

DEath Note

2006-10-27T15:39:00.000+08:00

Death knocks unknowingly and almost always at the wrong time.

Today's newspaper reported a death of a 16 year old boy near who stays near my place. So untimely. So sudden.

It almost seemed like a bad dream. It became reality.

One more soul gone forever. Has he been saved? Has he heard the gospel?

I am seriously jolted from my comfort zone.

Last night, some of us went ot Geylang for dinner. A friend of mine popped a question, " I wonder who shares the gospel to the people in GEylang. "

That sentence stuck with me throughout. I really wonder who shares the good news with them.

I am really at a loss. I really need to pray. Because the need is real.

Some of us toy with good Christian concepts, while souls out there are being lost.

where your heart is, there your receipts will be.

2006-09-27T23:16:00.000+08:00

Uncle preached on money on sunday.

What struck me hard was my treasure. Where my receipts lead to, there you'll find my treasures.

I've been looking back and I have decided to stop spending money on worthless stuff.

Sweets, can drinks, extra food. They all must go. I don't need them.

I wanna be all out to save and contribute to building fund!!! =)

I want to be responsible for my money! =)

Till the ground till it's ready.

2006-09-17T22:47:00.000+08:00

We don't manipulate the hands of God.

We don't force Revival to come.

We don't manufacture Revival.

We don't move hearts or effect change.

But we can till the ground.

I will put my hands to the plough. At all cost.

At all cost.

At all cost.

I want to fashion my life according to His plans. One step at a time. One prayer at a time. One less sin at a time.

I will not die till I see the promise of God come to pass in my life.

My hands will behold the glory of His rain.

Let it start now. Now.

In School, and not in good shape.

2006-09-11T13:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, the leaders gathered to pray. WE sat there, we prayed and God spoke.

I am convicted. Of the things I should have done and have not done.

Quoting from Daryl's sound clip,"We can spend 2 hours in a stinking cinema and not pray for half an hour"

Stale bread. Feeding on crumbs. Leftovers.

Is that what I want to achieve in ministry? Is that what I want to achieve in school? Scraping by and giving my minimal, just to get away?

Guilty as charged. I have chosen the path of an Israelite in Moses' time, asking whether for stale bread, when He feeds daily.

Gracious Saviour, Loving friend.

"You stood before my failures,
and carried the cross for my shame..."

I can still stand before Him. With arms wide, and heart abandoned.

Not in good shape, but Lord mould me, because I am willing.

Nanyang Business School

2006-08-23T09:24:00.000+08:00

Well, the blogger dashboard feels like a friend I have not seen in a while.

Anyway, school has started and it's exciting!

This is a school God has called me to! I am gonna try to make the best out of it! Will try to seize every opportunity I have to share the gospel!

The pressures remain. The workload has increased, and life hasn't gotten easier.

I struggle. The work presented before me definitely surmounts my army life. Lol.

I am determined to do well and excel, so that I can prove to myself and my lifegroup that we can do well in school and still maintain our priorities! Got that power M&M?? Haha.

School presents sin in various guises. The skimpy attires, the coporate brainwashing, clubbing, chasing girls, you get the picture. I wonder whether I can be that shining light to my school.

The gospel is truly POWER unto Salvation. I feel challenged to believe in that and LIVE it out!

I pray for myself that my light will shine before man, that all will see His goodness.

I feel emboldened. Empowered and recharged to share His word. Because, the passion goes deeper this time, and I am determined to not let God pass by my friends because of my cowardice.

LG outing.

2006-07-14T10:23:00.000+08:00

As promised to Lester and Stanley, it's defamation time for all the crimes you both have done!!!
To all who went to the LG outing, perish and burn in the burning lake of sulphur!! Muahaha.

No la. Joking.

Anyway, we went out to cycle at ECP and eat Sakae at PArkway. Thought FON-Kok's eating prowess would rear it's true abilities. Alas, all came to a nought.

So anyway, here are some pictures for your entertainment. Hmm, should start installing the flikcer thing...

LEster just woke up....Haha..

Look at Stanley, he just woke up too.

"Don't cut down my forest! You have to cut past me! No I am not letting go of this tree! No!"

Marvel

2006-07-14T10:14:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how time flies. It is already Friday.

Phew! Bali video is finally done! Burnt it out yesterday already.

Cool man! Haha. Thank You Gloria and DOm, in case I do forget to thank ya. Here it is for the record!

Anyway, went to see guitars yesterday. Got to know a guitar guy at Bras Basah better. Didn't get a chance to share with the army friend I went with, but I did ask him whether he wanted to come church. He said no.

Last night, had a really good chat with Aunty Veron. She told me about her childhood stories and how she came to know the Lord. It was simply amazing. I am amazed at her life. And how God has changed her and brought her so many blessings.

Well, as with all such conversations, one starts thinking about oneself. I was no exception.

As I took the train how, I started to think about my life. I asked myself, what have I done to deserve such a life?

What have I done to deserve a well-to-do family, while the kid on the street struggles to buy a bowl of noodles because his dad went to jail?

What have I done to deserve a car to drive, when people walk home becuase they don't have money to pay for bus?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It brought me new perspectives on material wealth.

MAterial gains really don't belong to me, they are just a gift from God. I don't deserve it, and God doesn't value it.

Suddenly, social status, money, assets all fade to a dimly casted shadow. A pale comparison.

Lord, I want to live my life better. Thank You for Your blessings. I won't start being altogether altruistic or philantrophic, but one thing I'll do - be grateful.

My House COmputer is down!!

2006-07-12T11:00:00.000+08:00

Argh! My brother and I did something to the wireless router and now I cant access the internet.

Anyway, some of the guys are in Ipoh. I am here in S'pore, giving up my holiday to do Bali Video! What a great sacrifice. Haha. Lame.

So it's been a while, since that's the case, let's go through what I've been doing since sunday.

Well, slept in till 1pm on Monday, thanks toWorld Cup. Zidane, Zidane, the world's rambling and musing about you. Why why, did you miss the header and hit Materazzi? Oh Well.

I played Tennis with Uncle on Tuesday and went to his house to watch Baloche talk about music theory on DVD.

Well, we were parking at AMK Ave 10 to eat lunch (It's a great place to eat Ban Mian!!) and GLen was talking about worhsip leading. He said, in my own phrases, that sometimes we place expectations on ourselves and expect certain things to happen in worship.

Well, I thought about it, and I felt it's true for me. Sometimes, as a worhsip leader, I want God to move in a certain way; maybe His Holy Holy presence falls and all prostrate in awe. Hah.

But yesterday, it's just dawned upon me, again, that it really isn't about me and my expectations. I just have to let Him do it.

That's why sometimes I feel so stressed, almost like a need to perform. So I've learnt.

Lord, it really never was about the song or the arrangement, it's about You and pleasing You.

2006-06-27T19:03:00.000+08:00

Feels weird. I can't describe the feeling. I feel like I am stuck in time.

This morning when my Dad asked me to fetch my bro to school, I thought he still had remedial. It wasn't much later that I realised school had started for all the young ones.

Well, ain't much this week. Preparing songs for youth sunday and a video for Bali trip.

Aiyah dunno la. Forget it. Haha. No inspiration to blog. But here is a picture of my brother.

Bali Trip

2006-06-23T09:12:00.000+08:00

I'm back! It's been a while.

Well, Bali Trip was good. Didn't do much ministry, but nonetheless, God spoke. And that, for me, is good enough.

Disappointed? Not really, because I got to rest as well. My only comparison would be that of a mission trip to Jogjakarta. Now that, was really hectic and we saw things we never seen before. Maybe that's why the expectation for the Bali trip. God does things His own way, and that settles it for me.

This trip, we had ministry on two days, and so it was a good mixture of fun and work.

One thing I felt I should have done more was pray. The mood was relaxed and I think I took it too easy. That's a lesson learnt.

We did have a good time shopping, buying souvenirs and feasting. Haha.

JAson, Daryl and I went to this Japanese Fusion Restaurant. Woah, the rolls were really good. I can't describe it, but it was delectable! You have to taste it to understand... HAha. We ate dunkin doughnuts too!! Yummy!!

God reminded me that His thoughts outnumber the grains of sand (Psa 139:18) during devotion one morning, and as I sat along the beach and watched the sunrise, I really felt small and insignificant. Who is man that You are mindful of him? Unfortunately, my handphone camera isn't really that good at capturing. What a waste! So that's about it for Bali trip.. Thank God!

Non-inspiring post

2006-06-15T18:17:00.000+08:00

Today is just one of those I-don't-have-the-mood-to-blog days. So hopefully, I don't sound like I'm taking minutes.

Haha, anyway I'd still blog, since I am going away to Bali tomorrow afternoon.

Well, I am sick. And it really doesn't feel good. Was quite sick on Tuesday afternoon; wanted to go see a doctor, but I was ambivalent. Finally, I decided to put my faith to the test.

You see, last week, and two weeks back, I told god, nonchalantly, that I needed something to test my faith. So you see, God honours your word. Casual conversations with God do lead to serious consequences.

Anyway, I fell sick. So it was a good time of trusting God to heal me. No fever since yesterday! Praise God! Still feel a little sick, but nonetheless, so so much better! Yup, thank God really.

Being physically weak has showed me how weak I can be. My old self re-surfaces, old habits resurrect. Hah. How weak and feeble my mind and will can be.

As I go Bali, I want to try to be at my best for God. But, whatever lah, God uses our weakness to perfect His power.

I think the lesson for me this week and the weeks to come is obedience.

Daryl and I were talking about pride, we were wondering how to stop the pride-thing from surfacing in our lives.

For me, it's loving God, hearing His voice and obeying Him.

It's so easy, yet I struggle so much at times.

Lord, it was never needed, yet you chose to give Your life for me. How can I stand here and not be moved by You?

God's account of merit was never about how many ministries, how many worship duties, how many people you shepherd or how many prophescies you given, it's only currency is OBEDIENCE.

2006-06-12T08:43:00.000+08:00

Welcome back! Wow! Church Retreat has really been a retreat for me! It was such a wonderful time of listening to God and letting God affect a greater part of my life!

Well, God spoke to me during the camp.

If you do read my previous entries, I think I mentioned about having a child-like faith.

In God's timing, nothing is coincidental. When I went for camp, Lill spoke about being a child again. And it rang through in my heart.

I really felt the need to return to being a little kid in God's eyes.

Some things just hit you really hard, even though they seem like truths that everyone should understand and know.

I was kneeling at the altar on Wednesday night, and God re-affirm His love for me.

You see, I have always never felt good about myself, diving myself into God's work and putting on a mask. I've allowed ministry, at times, to mask my vunerabilities.

During camp, I had NOTHING to do- well almost. And it felt quite uncomfortable. I have come to realise that serving had been a form of escape for me. Don't ask me why, but focusing on work turned my eyes away from letting God deal with me.

And so He did during the camp. God really showed me and told me that He could be my everything; if I let Him be. All those wonderful verses of love and God's faithfulness became so so real.

I felt the Lord's embrace. It's an indescribable feeling. It just makes you bail and wail. Overwhelmed.

I like to 'feel' His presence. I like to always have the 'loved' feeling. But I guess God, doesn't always make it as such; if not, my walk with God would be totally reliant on my emotions.

Felt the Lord tell me to walk in faith in this area - to trust Him to be my all. To know that His words ring through even through the valley.

Can't elaborate properly because I just woke up. Still quite sleepy. All Glory to Him, because even when we are faithless, He is faithful.

Lord, thank You that Your love is never ever measured by what we are, what we do, or the sins we committed. It is without condition. I can never fully understand the depths of Your love. But I know it's deep enough to warrant my full response. So Lord, I love you. I try to Lord. I really do. Amen.